Ok, as I have been on my journey to Natural-ness. I’ve been reading various things. Why can’t Black women embrace their natural hair? Is it because men dislike it? Why do some Black men dislike a natural sistah? Apparently, there are conflicting views in regards to this topic.

One man’s perspective in this youtube Video-

http://youtube.com/watch?v=fXgNFIokdQ0&watch_response

“Hello all my natural Newbies and Vets, I bring you greetings from the Los Angeles, California. I’ve been a 100% Kinky since December 10th 2007. I actually did the big chop 4 months after I stopped relaxing. Two years later and a head full of kinky curls, I am still learning about my hair.”

Ashlee’s Corner Archived Entry #1

Here’s a story I hope you enjoy. On my desk I have a quote, ” I am open to new experiences”. With that being said, I’ve explored the realm of interracial dating (yes this has something to do with hair…keep reading) and it has been quite a unique experience.

The White Man’s Reaction:
My French-Canadian boxing teacher had the hots for me and the feeling was surprisingly mutual. I don’t know what it is, but it seems that White men have a fetish for natural hair and dark skin, much more than the brothers here on the west-coast. Well we went for sushi and back to his house to watch his acting demo-reel. He had a scene where he was dating a black woman and she was weaved down with hazel contacts (very lil’ Kim-ish/ Beyonce).

As we’re watching this scene; he looks at me and then back at the screen; I can sense that he has a question that he really wants to ask.He finally turns to me and the conversation begins:
“You know black women who wear weave all the time end up with no edges. I mean their hair starts out healthy but all that pulling leaves them bald in the front”. Now I know at this moment, you’re probably thinking what does this man know about hair? He’s a boxer, who happened to have went to beauty school. That’s his thing, he’s good with his hands. And surprisingly, he’s very straight, loves women; especially curvaceous woman, with peanut buttery complexions (his wordds- not mine).
“This is true if they don’t know how to take care of their hair”, I respond. “Yeah, even women with relaxers, after a while their hair just falls out and they have no edges”.

“If they don’t take care or their hair. I mean I know black women with relaxers who have a healthy head of hair and edges. My hair was really healthy when I had a perm”.  “So its true that a black woman’s biggest pet peave is their hair?”

“Yes, for many of us it is if—-”, I begin to say but he interrupts me with the wildest comment I’ve heard till this day about black hair. “Well if I was a black woman and I didn’t like my hair that much, I would just shave my head bald and wear wigs for the rest of my life. That’s what I would do”. I sit there for moment and figure out how to respond to this without taking any offense. He’s a white man who hasn’t encountered many natural sisters since 75% of us wear or hair straight or relaxed. Breathe in, Breathe out and answer calmly.

“So you think that a woman would rather chop off all her hair and wear some one else’s hair?” And I said this, I felt like a hypocrite because most of our sisters do just that. Ruin their natural hair to glue on somebody’s Minky Yak to their damaged hair! “Dre’, the only reason black women have issues with their hair because during slavery, White people made us feel inferior because our hair was different. Shampoo commercials only show straight flowy hair as the standard of beauty. No woman wants to shave her head, she wants her hair. And the few of us who have not been affected by this bone-straight hair propaganda, actually enjoy our kinky hair. We don’t mind having curly, nappy hair. So me, personally, I would rather let my hair grow the way God intended it to than put some foreign crap over a bald scalp for the rest of my life.” ( I said this as a matter-of-fact, no attitude whatsoever)

“Well I’m just saying, most black women don’t like their hair and I figured that would be an easy solution”. “No hun, think again”. We continued to watch the reel. And after a moment of awkward silence, we picked up our guitars and practiced some Johnny Cash and Indie Arie; music is truly the universal bond amongst us.

The Black Man’s Reaction:

The next day at work I start looking up wigs. No, not because I feel insecure about my natural hair; I’m an actress in Hollywood, and although the day is soon coming when Black women can be their natural selves, we still have to wear the weave from time to time. And honestly, I do like to wear my hair straight every now and then. Its just the heat is so damaging to my natural and I exercise everyday, so its not worth the time or money it takes to get a press. I’d rather wear a wig and save my hair the agony of a hot comb. Well as I’m searching for wigs, my African American male friend (who I presume has a real identity crisis after or few conversations we’ve had about race) stops by my desk.
“Whatcha doing?”

“Looking up wigs. I’m going to get one for my photo shoot this Saturday” “Why go through the trouble of buying a wig, when you can just straighten it. I mean I saw that picture of you with your straight hair, girl you was fine as wine.” Once again, I take a moment to breathe in an out and internally calm myself before snapping on the brother. I have to realize that he is just as brainwashed as my White guy friend. He has been raised with same prejudices and ideology about black hair. Its even worse for him because it has been an issue that has affected him since birth; this so called kinky problem we have to fix. “If I wanted my hair straight babes I would wear it that way. Contrary to popular belief, I really enjoy my hair just the way it is, even if you don’t think I’m fine as wine anymore. The heat is damaging to my hair and relaxer is even worse.
I work out everyday, so why waste money and time on relaxing and pressing when I could just buy a wig once and wear whenever I felt the need to wear it straight?”

“I feel you. I just figured it would be more manageable for you.” “Thanks for the concern. But its manageable.” I say through gritted teeth. I really need for him to remove himself from space. He’s messing with my positive energy I got going here.

Conclusion: Her Perspective

We must really re-educate the world about the essence of the black woman, from her sensuality to her hair; especially her hair. As more and more of us begin to wear our naturals, we will begin to break down these unfortunate misunderstandings. How many times do you get, “Oh my gosh, your hair looks great. I could never wear a natural but you’re working it.” The sad thing is; they would probably look better with their natural hair and they don’t even know it.

It hurts that my brother would push conformity upon me just as much as my white friend implied. But what should I expect? He really doesn’t know any better. I know that we all have a lot of healing to do, a lot of mental retraining. So I will be patient and understanding. Because I know that for every one of us that leaves the lye in the box, we give another sister an opportunity and strength to truly be free. Change is a hard long process but from change, love and understanding will transpire. I love you for who you are; just as you love me. And when we step out into the world with that love combined with confidence, the world looks upon our amazing beauty and says, “She is truly Heaven-sent”.

OK, SO WHOSE TO BLAME? WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT? AS WE TRANSITION OUR HAIR…HOW DO WE TRANSITION OUR MINDS? THE MINDS OF OTHERS?